Lena Dunham's Whale Swallows My Minnow, But I'm Not Bitter.

Lena Dunham.  She’s been described as “a more awkward, fatter version of Tina Fey,” Variety, “Reminiscent of Carrie Bradshaw… if she were a troll,” New York Magazine.  Not exactly heart-warming epiphets, yet after scoring multiple Emmy nominations, a solid hit with her HBO series Girls, and this week bagging a hefty $3.5 million in a deal with Random House, I doubt Lena will lose any sleep. 

$3.5 million for a collection of essays on life, relationships, broken relationships…  it sounds like… like… my blog, only… with a deal!   As I think of the hours I have spent tapping away at the keyboard, wordsmithing blogs, short stories, two complete novels and a third on the way, I have to admit, this breaking news makes Ennie just a wee bit green.  $3.5 million?  I can taste acid churning up my oesphagus, my skin wrinkle with consternation, my flesh glow a strange lime jaundice… I am the En-credible Sulk. 

Every year, Gentlemen.  It's joyous.

Wasn’t this the girl who I had briefly glimpsed, legs akimbo, having a pap smear and STD test on TV?  Who had written for herself a character who fretted about condom-usage and escapee stuff coming up the sides?   Who, odds were fair, I would see every Sunday, her flesh slapping from whichever angle or entry point she was utilizing this week.  It was raw, uncomfortable viewing; the series had shocked me, but clearly not into switching it off.   

Are Random House banking on her being trashy like Snooki, just talking about things most girls are just too polite to discuss?  I had to find out.  I had to…Youtube!

I typed her name into the search bar and a slew of clips, interviews and trailers presented themselves.  A year ago, I had never even heard of her and, holy kitten poo, there was so much for someone so young!  I watched clip after clip, and unlike baby cat shit, it didn’t stink.  She seemed genuine, sweet and bloody hilarious; not in a vulgar comedienne type way who just makes uncomfortable jokes about tampons, but a sparky, burning fire of intelligence!   She didn’t recycle the same lines or same stories that often celebrities doing junkets seem to, and every well-wrought verbal picture, or self-deprecating offering, made me feel more and more delighted for her deal.

 She is the kind of girl I could banter about Dicktards with, dance ridiculously to my secret collection of WHAM! with, order Chinese takeout and share noodles from a box with!  She is eccentric, quirky, kooky and all those other adjectives that tend to be used when describing a funny female who is in need of a stylist.  Crikey, who could have negative emotions towards a woman who can’t walk in high heels?  She’s sweet!  She is, indeed, larger than the average HBO actress, doughier, pastier, yet her unabashed nakedness in the show, and seeming comfort in her fleshy pale skin; her committed approach, tattooed-tits-deep, into gritty subject matter, that would never make Sunday teatime viewing on the BBC, is refreshing.  Plus, anyone who, whilst all else are decked out in gowns and Emmy award finery, can sit naked in a public toilet stall eating cake, is not just brave, but Navy Seals of Comedy Courageous.  Yup, she may be seven years my junior, I may be hopelessly heterosexual, but I have a bit of a girl crush now.

Aired at the Emmys.  Tasty.

A writer friend, best-selling crime novelist Jason Pinter, commented on his FB page, “My issue isn’t that Dunham isn’t talented (she is), but she’s being treated and paid like she’s the voice of a generation, which she isn’t (yet).”

On Wednesday, Jason's statistical conjecture on the deal was published in the Huffington Post.  My eyes were thyroid-wide as Brain computed the numbers.  Everyone's a winner, Baby!  If you are worried that Random House or Lena will lose out in any way, you can rest easy.  Both will make money.  Lots of it.  It's not magical, it's all mathematical.  Jason's concise break down of the numbers explain just how the biz works.  Take a look: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jason-pinter/lena-dunham-book-advance_b_1954689.html

I do think $3.5 million is an enormous amount of money, but I don’t begrudge her a penny.  She is talented and as a successful 26 year old who has written, produced, directed and starred in an award-winning film Tiny Furniture, (Best First Screenplay, Best First Feature and New Generation Award) a HBO Series and snagged herself a book deal, I think if she does become the voice of Gen Y, then good for them, because she is a gutsy gal with a brain, not a fake tan, a whoredrobe and a reality show.   Her voice is not cashing in on her ability to write about bodily fluids, but it is brave and bold.  She breathes a whole new comic voice to the sexually-liberated-but-confused twenty-somethings.  Where Carrie Bradshaw “cannot help but wonder,” Lena’s character, Hannah, stops wondering and starts doing.  She has balls with her neuroses. 

If you are illicitly watching this at work, you may want to lower your volume on this clip, but I hope you will watch, it just GETS ME.  (And not because I care about eyebrows. Or dick pics.)  

My only little niggling question is… when I am told that the industry is slow and book deals are really hard to come by, especially for strong-female voices narrating the trials and tribulations of life, love and other indoor sports, where does this whopping, almighty slap-me-with-a-kipper check come from?  Does it mean that when the houses are fighting for this, they are bidding the money that could have made lots of debut novelists very happy?  Is that what is swallowed up by this whale of a deal, all the little minnow deals that could have launched careers?  I suppose so.  Damn. 

And yet, I can’t dislike her, I won’t dislike her; and besides, there are houses out there who didn’t win the deal, and they’ll be wanting a fresh voice that is open, endearing, flawed and fucking funny. 
Hello, I’m Eleanor, nice to meet you!  *waves*

Enjoy!  Roll credits!

"I'm not the girl you're taking home.  OOOOOOOOH.  I'm still dancing on my own."