Fuckery and Food Truckery!

Confession: I love a bit of food porn.  Truly.  No, I'm not talking 57 Shades of Heinz bedroom games, but rather food can be really sexy.

There's ritual in the preparation, (the foreplay) and the consumption (consummation).  It's just so god damn sensual!  The hunger: the thought of it, the sight, the smell, the taste, the feel of it on the tongue, the roll around the mouth, the... mastication.  (Yes, that's a word.)  And I love a good book that involves, nay celebrates the love of food: from Lily Prior's La Cucina and her romps with Ragu; Adriana Trigiani's Big Stone Gap Series, in which I learned a sandwich could be so much more; Joanne Harris's Chocolat, I will forever suck and savour my quality truffles, because shit, a lot of work goes into those things; Promises to Keep, by Jane Green--it even has recipes, and they are good (!) and anything by Jennifer Weiner, because her heroines hunger for something more in life.  Amen and pass the salt!

Gem.  She's lovely and hi-LA-rious!

So, when I learned my friend and fabulous Britty in the Big City, Gemma Burgess, had tippy-tappy typed a new adult novel, about a headstrong twenty-something living in my old hood, fucking and food trucking, I knew I HAD to read it!

Now, now, Boys!   When I say 'fucking' don't get the wrong idea, this is not some erotic blow-by-blow (pardon), but it's... real.  The gaggle of Brooklyn Girls living in a house on Union St are living life and making mistakes, a lot of mistakes.  This punchy opener sets the tone beautifully:
"Never screw your roommate's brother.  A simple rule, but a good one.  And I broke it last night.  Twice.  Oopsh."

Ta dah!  And the heroine, Pia, and I bonded immediately!  (Not that I have ever done that, Mum.  Dad.  But simply, I love a good, ol' flawed heroine with a lust for life.)  Pia can party her socks off!  Well, her bra off anyway, and that's unfortunately the photo that ends up on Facebook and gets her fired from her PR job.  "Oopsh!" indeed.  Pia is cut-off by her parents and forced to survive (pay rent and afford tequila) on her wits and ingenuity!  She buys a food truck using--perhaps not the best choice--ten grand from a loan shark.  Thus her food truck business, Skinny Wheels, and financial debt, begins!

The whole, "getting cut of from her parents" thing you might find reminiscent of Lena Dunham's Girls.  Funnily enough, Gemma Burgess had written this first novel of the series before the award-winning HBO show aired.  I hope this novel is as successful for Burgess as the show is for Dunham, because it has all the ingredients to be so.

So let's cut to the meat and potatoes, shall we?  Why did I enjoy this book?  Pia Keller is a truly likable protagonist with a Masters in Self Destruction: she is clearly an Arseaholic (addicted to Arseholes); and, she suffers from anxiety and rage.  (This is not familiar at all.  No Siree!  Not me!)  Pia is riddled with flaws, but is so likable.  She'd do anything, ANYTHING, to help her girlfriends; she is passionate about bringing the public fresh, organic food; she drives a pink truck; she's often treated as an alien due to her Swiss/Indian parentage; oh, and she is pretty and fashionable.  I like her!

Pia is a bona fide foodie!  I'm going to put this out there: a girl's gotta eat!  Writers who don't let their characters eat are, quite frankly, cruel.  Is your character an anorexic?  A  camel?  EnduroMan?  Jesus in the desert?  No?  Then fucking feed her/him!  Pia et les femmes eat.  They eat a lot, and in Brooklyn, they are certainly in a good neighbourhood for that.  Whether drunken feasting on eggplant rollatini, baked ziti, and spinach and ricotta pizza at Bartolo's; or simply scarfing down Coco's homemade cookies; or creating the nutritious and delicious salads of Skinny Wheels; food is the uniting factor that brings these girls together, that comforts, that sobers, that gives Pia a place to help others.  

120 miles north of New York City, my now home town of Scranton is ga-ga-hoopla-Kelly-and-not-Regis-mental about food truckery!  It's fresh, it's new, it's mobile!  What the Fork is there not to like?  I've been reading the ravings about the grain-fed beef sliders with bacon jam, the pork tacos with sriracha slaw, the amazing fries.  I've gorged on their left-field breakfast items: the sweet corn waffles with sauteed banana and blueberries and chili maple syrup--wackadoodle, but unbelievably tasty.  It's innovative.  I cannot wait to see our local What The Fork Truck on Kelly and Michael on Thursday 25th July, the business owners truly deserve a forking good review.  After reading of Pia's hard prep work, the licensing, the calorie counting, the assembly, the marketing, the clean up,  the shopping, sleep and repeat, makes me appreciate our local food truck even more.  Go local business, GO!

So, if you are looking for a fun read that will make you laugh and whet your appetite, Brooklyn Girls is it.  It's new adult, but I don't think it's limited to a young readership.  Whether 22, or 34, or 66, life can be a daring adventure--crikey, I still haven't figured it out--but I hope that, like Pia, if you don't settle, if you dream big, and work hard, and never give up when you are passionate about something or someone, even if all the odds are stacked against you and there are baseball-batted loan sharks at your door, everything will work out in the end.
Patron, anyone?

Lena Dunham's Whale Swallows My Minnow, But I'm Not Bitter.

Lena Dunham.  She’s been described as “a more awkward, fatter version of Tina Fey,” Variety, “Reminiscent of Carrie Bradshaw… if she were a troll,” New York Magazine.  Not exactly heart-warming epiphets, yet after scoring multiple Emmy nominations, a solid hit with her HBO series Girls, and this week bagging a hefty $3.5 million in a deal with Random House, I doubt Lena will lose any sleep. 

$3.5 million for a collection of essays on life, relationships, broken relationships…  it sounds like… like… my blog, only… with a deal!   As I think of the hours I have spent tapping away at the keyboard, wordsmithing blogs, short stories, two complete novels and a third on the way, I have to admit, this breaking news makes Ennie just a wee bit green.  $3.5 million?  I can taste acid churning up my oesphagus, my skin wrinkle with consternation, my flesh glow a strange lime jaundice… I am the En-credible Sulk. 

Every year, Gentlemen.  It's joyous.

Wasn’t this the girl who I had briefly glimpsed, legs akimbo, having a pap smear and STD test on TV?  Who had written for herself a character who fretted about condom-usage and escapee stuff coming up the sides?   Who, odds were fair, I would see every Sunday, her flesh slapping from whichever angle or entry point she was utilizing this week.  It was raw, uncomfortable viewing; the series had shocked me, but clearly not into switching it off.   

Are Random House banking on her being trashy like Snooki, just talking about things most girls are just too polite to discuss?  I had to find out.  I had to…Youtube!

I typed her name into the search bar and a slew of clips, interviews and trailers presented themselves.  A year ago, I had never even heard of her and, holy kitten poo, there was so much for someone so young!  I watched clip after clip, and unlike baby cat shit, it didn’t stink.  She seemed genuine, sweet and bloody hilarious; not in a vulgar comedienne type way who just makes uncomfortable jokes about tampons, but a sparky, burning fire of intelligence!   She didn’t recycle the same lines or same stories that often celebrities doing junkets seem to, and every well-wrought verbal picture, or self-deprecating offering, made me feel more and more delighted for her deal.

 She is the kind of girl I could banter about Dicktards with, dance ridiculously to my secret collection of WHAM! with, order Chinese takeout and share noodles from a box with!  She is eccentric, quirky, kooky and all those other adjectives that tend to be used when describing a funny female who is in need of a stylist.  Crikey, who could have negative emotions towards a woman who can’t walk in high heels?  She’s sweet!  She is, indeed, larger than the average HBO actress, doughier, pastier, yet her unabashed nakedness in the show, and seeming comfort in her fleshy pale skin; her committed approach, tattooed-tits-deep, into gritty subject matter, that would never make Sunday teatime viewing on the BBC, is refreshing.  Plus, anyone who, whilst all else are decked out in gowns and Emmy award finery, can sit naked in a public toilet stall eating cake, is not just brave, but Navy Seals of Comedy Courageous.  Yup, she may be seven years my junior, I may be hopelessly heterosexual, but I have a bit of a girl crush now.

Aired at the Emmys.  Tasty.

A writer friend, best-selling crime novelist Jason Pinter, commented on his FB page, “My issue isn’t that Dunham isn’t talented (she is), but she’s being treated and paid like she’s the voice of a generation, which she isn’t (yet).”

On Wednesday, Jason's statistical conjecture on the deal was published in the Huffington Post.  My eyes were thyroid-wide as Brain computed the numbers.  Everyone's a winner, Baby!  If you are worried that Random House or Lena will lose out in any way, you can rest easy.  Both will make money.  Lots of it.  It's not magical, it's all mathematical.  Jason's concise break down of the numbers explain just how the biz works.  Take a look: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jason-pinter/lena-dunham-book-advance_b_1954689.html

I do think $3.5 million is an enormous amount of money, but I don’t begrudge her a penny.  She is talented and as a successful 26 year old who has written, produced, directed and starred in an award-winning film Tiny Furniture, (Best First Screenplay, Best First Feature and New Generation Award) a HBO Series and snagged herself a book deal, I think if she does become the voice of Gen Y, then good for them, because she is a gutsy gal with a brain, not a fake tan, a whoredrobe and a reality show.   Her voice is not cashing in on her ability to write about bodily fluids, but it is brave and bold.  She breathes a whole new comic voice to the sexually-liberated-but-confused twenty-somethings.  Where Carrie Bradshaw “cannot help but wonder,” Lena’s character, Hannah, stops wondering and starts doing.  She has balls with her neuroses. 

If you are illicitly watching this at work, you may want to lower your volume on this clip, but I hope you will watch, it just GETS ME.  (And not because I care about eyebrows. Or dick pics.)  

My only little niggling question is… when I am told that the industry is slow and book deals are really hard to come by, especially for strong-female voices narrating the trials and tribulations of life, love and other indoor sports, where does this whopping, almighty slap-me-with-a-kipper check come from?  Does it mean that when the houses are fighting for this, they are bidding the money that could have made lots of debut novelists very happy?  Is that what is swallowed up by this whale of a deal, all the little minnow deals that could have launched careers?  I suppose so.  Damn. 

And yet, I can’t dislike her, I won’t dislike her; and besides, there are houses out there who didn’t win the deal, and they’ll be wanting a fresh voice that is open, endearing, flawed and fucking funny. 
Hello, I’m Eleanor, nice to meet you!  *waves*

Enjoy!  Roll credits!

"I'm not the girl you're taking home.  OOOOOOOOH.  I'm still dancing on my own."