tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436717201345268718.post1670409254485969095..comments2023-05-06T00:34:58.490-07:00Comments on From a Corner of a Foreign Field...: Dumping Etiquette. Or, How to Avoid Relationship Roadkill.Eleanorgjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00672862557542492003noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436717201345268718.post-59918801818990524692013-10-05T14:23:50.019-07:002013-10-05T14:23:50.019-07:00but its never easy no matter how fast :(,,,,,love ...but its never easy no matter how fast :(,,,,,love your blog,,,,you ain't bad either:)doug dnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436717201345268718.post-68290090877460236792013-10-04T10:48:52.376-07:002013-10-04T10:48:52.376-07:00I agree with you Doug. I can't ever imagine y...I agree with you Doug. I can't ever imagine you cold or indifferent; but I do see how how trying to distance oneself is necessary for some. I think that is sometimes misconstrued as being cold and selfish, but ultimately it is helping the two concerned parties rebuild. <br />I learned about this new concept to me: idiotic compassion. It's a mix of not being able to say 'no' and of not having the right motives. ie: "I don't want to hurt her"--you'd think is compassion, but really it is idiotic compassion, because it's really that you don't want the aggro of dealing/you are going to hurt her further down the line, often worse, due to the length of time.<br />A close dear friend of yours and mine, and fellow Rangers fan--I think you know the one I mean--used to always tell me in matters of confrontation, "Do it quick, like ripping off a band aid." I think he was right. He was full of great advice like that.Eleanorgjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00672862557542492003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436717201345268718.post-77444815102139497332013-10-04T07:47:11.754-07:002013-10-04T07:47:11.754-07:00I have lived through all 4 methods but mostly as t...I have lived through all 4 methods but mostly as the Dumper-I have little tolerance for nonsense, BS, or being taken for granted. I also realize I share 50% of the blame no matter what the situation is, was or has become, it takes two. I'm only looking for a 50-50 relationship, which currently seems impossible. I know this feeling will pass but at the moment it’s not a good feeling but don’t we all live in the moment when it’s our emotions? People say I'm cold and indifferent but I view it differently, I'm liberating both of us from a life of misery and sadness. Who has time to waste in a bad relationship? I prefer Face-to Face. It’s the only way to go but it’s never easy or good. Today I posted a quote I saw on Facebook which I think is the best one I have ever seen and it’s about this topic Its says, "What you allow, is what will Continue"---Great blog "E"Doug Dnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436717201345268718.post-53783810576239238712013-02-08T09:47:29.197-08:002013-02-08T09:47:29.197-08:00Amen to this! How could I have forgotten the BITT...Amen to this! How could I have forgotten the BITTERNESS stage that is only now beginning to loosen its grasp. Good call. So right you are that we blame ourselves for falling for the charm and sales pitch, some of which are expertly delivered with a "too-good-to-be true" kind of practice and expertise that now, thanks to this chap, we'll be able to spot. <br /><br />I couldn't agree more - Adieu, blame and self-torture! Onward and upward! Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15257479169225258041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436717201345268718.post-9688783777865741892013-02-04T08:46:08.430-08:002013-02-04T08:46:08.430-08:00This is spot on. The Three Steps of Rejection. A...This is spot on. The Three Steps of Rejection. Actually, there may be four, might there not? Or maybe a Step 2, part b. BITTERNESS and anger that the offending party mis-sold their bill of goods. That they came in as one person, shiny, sparkling, proffering charm and good humor and flexibility; then eroded to a dull base of effortlessness and rigidity. Largely, I think we women blame ourselves. "What did I do to affect this change in him? Was it something I said? My soup-slurping? That mis-judged reference to his mother, ex-girlfriend, the amount of product he used in the shower? WHAT DID I DOOOOOOO?" We torture ourselves with this question. The fact is, very often, we didn't do a thing. It's not us it's them! One has to be willing, nay delighted to, put themselves out for the other person for longer than a month. It's like Survivor. Not trying? Not helping? Stubborn and unwilling? Guess what? The tribe has spoken. ;) Eleanorgjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00672862557542492003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436717201345268718.post-42308929645466298752013-02-04T06:02:19.216-08:002013-02-04T06:02:19.216-08:00We often think of breakups as painful because of t...We often think of breakups as painful because of the obvious rejection. But why do breakups (in many instances) cause pain for Dumpee as well? I'd like to propose the idea that breakups are a triple whammy. #1, there's the rejection(no elaboration needed). #2, a breakup also means the end. The end of hope, the end of our fantasies of what "could have been", the end of our idealized fairy tale of this other person. Our illusions of a future house/dinner parties/kids/gorgeous weddings on the beach in Bermuda have all been shattered. The rush of ecstasy when we first met and built up stories of this other person's magical qualities is gone. Which leads us to #3. <br /> #3, we're back to square one. Square one can be terrifying. Just like Rejection-ville, Square One, with it's population of "I'm the ONLY ONE TO EVER BE ALONE" is a lonely, scary, bleak place. Kind of like The Badlands in South Dakota, only colder. NO ONE has ever felt this way and has had to start over, left only with a gaping hole in their heart, a tiny little tenacious shark gnawing away at the pit of their stomach, and broken fragments of self-esteem. Yep, it's a lonely place. Isolated from the rest of the world. <br /> However, it's from this place where we can slowly rebuild. We realize that "all alone" is better than the exhaustion of "why the hell am I dating (or married to) this bastard?". We can lick our wounds, bandage our pride, hammer out the dents in our armor, and gradually begin to see "alone" as a place of empowerment. We can emerge stronger, wiser, with a deeper trusting of our own intuition, a stronger "dicktard radar", and a renewed sense of hope that one day, maybe one lucky day, we'll get it right, and fall in love with "the one". <br /> At least, that's what I keep telling myself. Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15257479169225258041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436717201345268718.post-51896480604322716782013-01-25T17:35:31.322-08:002013-01-25T17:35:31.322-08:00Am now singing Pat Benatar.
xAm now singing Pat Benatar.<br /><br />xEleanorgjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00672862557542492003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436717201345268718.post-25899563945006025782013-01-25T08:21:04.950-08:002013-01-25T08:21:04.950-08:00Heartbreaker...Heartbreaker...Don Laffertyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18220747349612055653noreply@blogger.com